This one took place in the summer of 2006 while working at Coborn's, a grocery store in SD:
Me: Gosh, I'm tired. I just want to sleep.
Work Ethic: No! You stay awake and do your damn job. You're getting paid for this.
Me: Shut up, Work Ethic. I know my bodily limits.
Inner Child: Let's go play outside!
Me: Wish I could, Inner Child but...
Work Ethic: You go away! He needs no distractions!
Me: I said shut up!
Inner Child: You're mean! *starts to cry*
Me: Oh great, now look what you did...
Internal Sadist: Mmm tears. The pain makes them sweet.
Me: Hi Internal Sadist. Didn't figure you'd show up right now.
Internal Sadist: Slam your hand in the freezer door. C'mon, it'd be fun.
Me: Are you crazy? No!
Self-Loathing: Why? It's not like you deserve anything more than pain.
Me: Goddamnit, go away Self-Loathing. This isn't a good time.
Self-Loathing: It's never a good time...
Internal Sadist: We can hang out, though. I know a great game with a belt sander we could try.
Me: Damnit, Internal Sadist, I don't want to get hurt.
Reckless Endangerment: Oh come on, bro. Let's jump into the cardboard compiler and hop out right as we're about to get crushed. It'd be wicked!
Work Ethic: All of you shut the hell up and leave him alone! He needs to work. Go to the cooler.
Me: Fine, but why?
OCD: MOTHERFUCKERS! Rows 15, 34, and 7 are missing milk jugs! It's uneven!
Latent Psychopathy: Kill them for fucking with us! Do them! Do the whole damn store!
Me: What? OCD, calm down I'll fix it. Latent Psychopathy, I didn't even know you were still there.
Latent Psychopathy: Hang them from the ceiling. Use their blood to wax the floor!
Me: Annnnd that's why you're latent. Great.
Hopeless Optimist: Isn't it just a golly gosh darn wonderful day?
Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP, OPTIMISM!
Calmness: That's not very nice. We should all just get along.
Inner Child: Oh! He said a swear!
Latent Psychopathy: Burn 'em all!
Me: Please just...
Romanticism: Come on, be thankful. You might meet the perfect woman for you today and your life will be complete!
Internal Sadist: Punch yourself in the balls. It'd be quicker.
Self-Loathing: I agree.
Reckless Endangerment: Dodge right before you hit your spuds, dude. Killer!
Latent Psychopathy: Yes?
Me: What? But...come on just go away. I'm getting confused.
Pervert: Check out the rack on the bakery chick. You should totally grab her buns.
Bad Joke Center: *ba-dum-tisch*
Me: Oh very funny. Go away, Pervert. I'm trying NOT to have my pants cause me problems.
Fashion Sense: The pants are already causing problems, sweetheart. Totally clash with the tie.
Work Ethic: The pants aren't the problem. The fact he's not working is!
Inner Child: Work is for adults. I wanna play in the sandbox!
Me: We don't HAVE a fucking sandbox!
Writer: Yeah, you could totally put this on your blog when you get home.
Me: I'll think about it. Listen, everyone just calm down. I'm trying to think here.
Calmness: Thinking sucks. Go with the flow.
OCD: THE FUCKING MILK RACK IS STILL UNEVEN!
Pervert: The bakery chick's ass still isn't on our dick!
Me: Go AWAY, Pervert! You're not helping!
Self-Loathing: Nothing ever helps.
Romanticism: *sings* Storms are brewin' in your eyes...
Anxiety: Storms? Where? Are we in danger?
Reckless Endangerment: Rockin'! We could ride a tornado!
Internal Sadist: Or get thrown into a building!
Latent Psychopathy: Everyone inside could die!
Inner Child: Storms scare me! *cries*
Me: *eye starts twitching*
Anxiety: Ohmigod! He's having a stroke!
Pervert: I like having a stroke.
Bad Joke Center: *ba-dum-tisch*
Hopeless Optimism: It'll all work out for the best.
Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP, OPTIMISM!
Work Ethic: You've stopped doing work. Wonderful
Pragmatism: You're still getting paid.
Me: Hey, he's right!
Pragmatism: Besides, you're doing it for college.
Romanticism: Where you'll meet the perfect girl...
Pervert: And knock holes in your wall with the bed frame.
Me: Please just GO AWAY!
Writer: Oh this is so going in the blog.
Me: *sighs*
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