They Can't All Be Cheery

Me: What's going on?

Anxiety: It's a coup! A COUP!

Me: Calm down. What?

Calmness: Self-Loathing, Misanthropy and Libido have formed a cabal, locked Ego and Self-Respect away and have joined with...um...

Me: Say it.

Calmness: Depression. He came roaring in yesterday.

Me: Ah shit.

Ego/Self-Respect: YOU ASSHOLES! YOU PRICKS! LET US OUT!

Anxiety: No more yelling!

Self-Loathing: We control the mind now. With Depression here, we will run your brain forever!

Me: This is megalomaniacal horseshit. Wait, don't tell me.

Megalomania: How you doin'?

Me: Perfect. Libido, you really joined this?

Libido: Damn straight. They can get me to blow off some steam.

Realism: No they can't, you dumb bastard. You think Depression is going to let Boba Fett NEAR a woman right now? Even if you DID get a chance, he would beat you up to the point where you would be ineffective. Did you not SEE that?

Libido:...no.

Depression: You no tell him thing! Depression only friend Libido need now!

Me: My depression is retarded?

Pragmatism: Does that surprise you? Depression oftentimes clogs the brain and leaves you foggy and stupid.

Depression: Depression no retarded! Depression smart! Depression give best way of action in man life!

Realism: You see?

Me: Kind of, yeah.

Libido: I don't want to be a part of anything that will avoid sexingmaking for me.

Misanthropy: You really want to do things with people? You ARE perverted.

Pervert: What up?

Me: Why don't you let Ego and Self-Respect go, Self-Loathing? Call it a day.

Self-Loathing: This is just...GOD, you have a stupid brain.

Depression: Me not stupid brain! Me lack of dopamine production!

Me:...beer time it is.

Budding Alcoholism: Smart man.