I'll Leave It To You To Decide If It Happened Or Not

Cooking Expertise: Seriously, bro. You rule. Portobello and beef burgers on Italian bread buns with celery/green apple slaw? That's some fancy restaurant shit right there.

Self-Loathing: The burgers fell apart!

Ego: Only a little and that's because the recipe didn't call for draining the mushroom/onion mix before combining with the beef.

Self-Loathing: Still.

Me: You know what? Still nothing. Chalk it up to a learning experience that still tasted amazing.

Libido: Even I'm satisfied.

Me: I...don't want to know how that's possible. At all.

Libido: It was good food!

Me: Good food doesn't relate to libido.

Pervert: Says you, dude.

Me: I don't wanna know! I don't wanna know!

Writer: And hey, you got your article all turned in with money coming your way soon.

Work Ethic: Not to mention having ANOTHER assignment for Thursday which you can spend tomorrow doing.

Writer: Well, and a Dan Eats Cat Food too but you should be fine there.

Work Ethic: Busy busy busy.

Hopeless Optimist: Maybe this is the start of something good!

Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP, OPTIMISM!

Hopeless Optimist: Oh.

Libido: So, you remember what I said earlier?

Me: Yes...

Libido: I was totally lying.

Me: I figured.

Libido: Yeah, no. I'm like a ticking time bomb. And seeing the Braves girls isn't helping.

Sports Freak: You aren't watching the GAME?!

Me: What? I am. They just pop up from time to time.

Libido: Just like...

Me: DON'T say it. Don't. I know what you're going to say and don't.

Libido: Just like...

Me: I'm warning you. I will punch you in the dick if you say it. Don't test me.

Libido: ...

Me: That's better.

Libido: Just like Boba Fett.

Crotch: GODDAMNIT OW!

Self-Loathing: Well. That just happened. Are you happy? Are you happy with what you did?

Me/Libido: No.

Self-Loathing: Well...then I am.

Occasionally I Can Be Awesome

Ego: We rock!

Me: We do!

Culinary Expertise: Chicken breasts stuffed with shiitake mushrooms and provolone cheese! THAT'S HOW YOU COOK, MOTHERFUCKER!

Ego: Woo!

Work Ethic: Woo!

OCD: WE CLEANED THE DISHES VERY WELL! NO SALMONELLA THIS TIME! WOO!

Calmness: Woo.

Me: Woo!

Self-Loathing: I hate you all.

Me: Woo!!!