Self-Preservation: Okay. Can we...just for propriety's sake, can we just run through what you just did again?
Me: Fine.
Self-Preservation: You, and correct me if I'm wrong, just went and retrieved the bottle of vodka from your mini-fridge and a can of cheap-ass orange soda.
Me: Oh what? Like I was going to pour the vodka in the dark in the other room!
Self-Preservation: That's...not the point.
Libido: So at this point, you've basically said to hell with it all, I want my dick to explode, is that it?
Me: Not in so many words, no.
OCD: MMMMM CLEAN UNDERWEAR!
Me: I'm...wait...
Confusion: Aren't you usually screaming in hyperbolic terror?
OCD: I AM MORE THAN JUST A ONE-TRICK PONY, CONFUSION!
Inner Child: Pony!
Me: No.
Inner Child: Pony?
Me: NO.
Inner Child: No pony?
Me: No damn pony.
Pervert: That's probably for the best.
Me: Shut up, you.
Work Ethic: Good work today. You actually did something productive instead of just sitting around and playing with yourself.
Libido: Don't I know it. Hrmph.
Anxiety: Is there something wrong? Are we losing our sex drive?!
Me: God, I hope so.
Libido: Hey!
Work Ethic: To answer your question, Anxiety, no we aren't. We just found something more important and intellectually stimulating to do. Like an article that we are going to get paid for.
Writer: And it was easy too. Seven hundred words is nothing, especially when you have four solid pages of notes to use!
Self-Loathing: Ooh, seven hundred words! Aren't we special?
Ego: Fuck off, dude.
Me: There we go, Ego! Show some balls.
Self-Loathing: Don't encourage him. You remember how swollen he gets sometimes.
Pervert: Woo!
Bad Joke Center: That's my job! You prick! You thoughtless prick!
Me: And with that, it's back to the Voiceover.
Budding Alcoholism: Voiceover?
Me: Vodka and orange soda.
Budding Alcoholism: Yeahhhhhhh!
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