Me: I'm just going to come right out and say it. I hate introductory posts. I do. They're always these lame as hell entries about something or another. And everyone always is so damn deferential to their audience because they want to make a good first impression or some shit. It's kinda pathetic. Don't worry. I'm not a hypocrite. I've done it too. It's just that...
Self-Loathing: Oh. My. God. Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares what you think.
Ego: I do...
Self-Loathing: And you matter why? That's right. You don't.
Ego: Fuck off!
Inner Child: NO more swears!
Internal Sadism: You're trying this? Really? Why not just snap your nuts in a mousetrap?
Reckless Endangerment: Try it! You might not get sterile!
Internal Sadism: Doubt it.
Libido: Oh, holy shit. Seriously, man. You need pussy. You are officially a serial rapist to paper towels.
Me: Shut up!
Pervert: It's cool, man. We don't judge. Except when it comes to some of your porn. Man. And I thought I had problems.
Me: You're me!
Pervert: No, I am PART of you, thank you. I have my own life.
Me: Being?
Pervert: None yo' biness.
Me: YOU...I mean...I'M not ghetto!
Political Correctness: That's racist.
OCD: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR ROOM?!
Me: Nothing?
OCD: THEN WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE AFGHANISTAN?!
Anxiety: Just to remind you, you have no job and are poor.
Ego: Oh thank you for that.
Hopeless Optimist: You'll get a job tomorrow!
Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP, OPTIMISM!
Self-Respect: I'm...still here.
Me: You ARE? Seriously? I thought you were dead a while ago.
Latent Psychopathy: Nope. Slippery little bastard got away.
Me: Oh. Awesome. You're here now. Just what I needed.
Misanthropy: Hey buddy!
Me: Damn it.
Inner Child: Space race! Space race!
Work Ethic: You know, you really could be doing better on...well, just about everything in your life.
Fashion Sense: Like shaving.
Me: Everyone shut up a minute! I need to talk to the nice people.
Misanthropy: Yeah, like THEY exist.
Me: So...welcome. I guess. This will basically be your experience each time you get here. I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to be this way.
Writer: Actually it was.
Me: Or I guess it was. Awesome. Terrific. What now?
Budding Alcoholism: How about a drink?
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