Miscommunication and Running Gags

Me: Contract still hasn't come in. Damn it.

Work Ethic: You COULD do work on it regardless.

Pragmatism: Could but shouldn't.

Me: I'm inclined to agree.

Libido: What's that? Why, yes! I DO believe we should crank one in the shower!

Me: What? I never said that!

Libido: Said what?

Me: We should crank one in the shower.

Libido: Ah, so we agree!

Annoyance: Oh fuck you.

Inner Child: What is "crank one"?

Bad Joke Center: It's what you turn when you want to start your engine.

Lack of Subtlety: And by that, he means get you horny.

Inner Child: And horny is...*gasp*! I get to be a rhino?

Me: Ugh. No.

Inner Child: Bastard.

Me: Language!

Pedantry: You mean "Watch your language!" and that is not correct either. What you mean to say is, really, "That language offends me so please cease." although that is not correct EITHER because "that" could imply that English offends you which, realistically, is not the case. What you ACTUALLY mean to say is...

Latent Psychopathy: Can I kill him?

Me: I'm considering it.

Libido: What's that? Why, yes! I DO believe we should experiment with dangerous new forms of self-pleasure!

Me: I didn't say that either!

Libido: Say what?

Me: We should experiment with dangerous new forms of self-pleasure!

Libido: Ah, so we agree!

Internal Sadist: Make that two of us.

Work Ethic: And you got distracted by a body count list for The Expendables. Can you not even focus on a blog entry?

Self-Loathing: Clearly not.

Hopeless Optimist: Well, all you need to do is try harder.

Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP, OPTIMISM!

Hopeless Optimism: That's not nice.

OCD: WHERE IS THE HAND SANITIZER?!

Me: Calm down. We don't need it.

OCD: KEYBOARDS ARE SOME OF THE DIRTIEST PLACES IN THE WORLD AND MOST KEYBOARDS DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHAT YOURS DOES!

Me: Now that's uncalled for.

Pervert: Not really. He's basically dead on.

Internal Sadism: REALLY?

Ego: Don't sound so damn excited.

Libido: What's that? Why yes! I DO believe we should...

Me: SHUT IT.

Libido: I was going to say love on ladies of all shapes, sizes, personalities, intelligences and political views.

Me: I call bullshit.

Ego: Seconded.

Pervert: Seriously, man. Thirded.

Libido: Hah! Okay, you caught me. I was going to say look into amputee porn.

Anxiety: Viewing or performing in?

Libido: Yes.

Pervert: I'm intrigued.

Me: I'm...not.

Pervert: But if I am that means that you are because I AM you. Or you are me. And we are we together!

Self-Loathing: It's not like we'd be together with anyone else as is.

Me: Will you cut it out?

Latent Psychopathy: Cut what out?!

Me: The self-loathing crap.

Self-Loathing: To do so would violate the very nature of my existing. That would be like asking Libido to decrease himself to a level more befitting a twenty-three year old and less a thirteen-year old or asking Pervert to stop wanting wall sex. It just isn't done.

Me: Wall sex? That's not what I think it is, is it?

Pervert: No, that does not mean glory hole. It just means sex up against a wall.

Me: Oh. Well, that's not too bad.

Pervert: With an ALIEN!

Me: An alien.

Paranoia: Illegal or space?!

Pervert: Surprise me.

Budding Alcoholism: Beer me?