Work Ethic: This. Is. Torturous.
Me: You're telling me.
Internal Sadism: Look, you know me. I'm always down for a nice rough and tumble torture session...
Pervert: Meeeeeee too!
Internal Sadism: But this is getting ridiculous.
Anxiety: Hi guys! I'm just going to pop up for no reason!
Me: I really wish you wouldn't.
Anxiety: Too late! Time to upset your stomach, twitch your eye and make you question everything.
Internal Sadism: You're actually doing the job better than I ever could. I hate you!
Budding Alcoholism: Come on, buddy. Have a couple beers. That'll relax you.
Me: It's too late. Anxiety has turned all my psyche parts into Dark versions of themselves.
Dark Self-Loathing: There, there, it's okay.
Dark Realism: IT IS NOT, IT IS A MASSIVE PROBLEM!
Dark Bad Joke Center: It is.
Me: No "that's what she said"?
Dark Bad Joke Center: Heavens no!
Dark Libido: You know, being bored with porn is okay. It just means you need to rest me a little.
Dark Pervert: Besides, you need to concern yourself with love, rather than sexuality.
Dark Zombie Romanticism: Blaaaaaaaargh fuuuuuuuuuuck blaaaaaaargh.
Dark Fashion Sense: Whar eh rucksayck en uh rope fer uh beylt!
Me: This is a bit uncomfortable...
Dark Hopeless Optimist: DEATH DEATH DEATH BLOOD SEX FIRE 666 DEATH MURDER RAAAAAAAAAAH!
Everyone but Me: Go right ahead and express yourself, Optimism!
Me: Seriously. This is weird.
Dark Inner Child: So, like...got any weed, man?
Dark Internal Sadism: Goodness no! Weed is bad for you. It stunts your growth.
Dark Inner Child: Like...whatever.
Dark Latent Psychopathy: Hiiiiiiiii!
Me: Oh good.
Dark Latent Psychopathy: Don't you just LOVE life? Isn't it WONDERFUL to have a world filled with so many great people with such rich, fulfilling lives?
Dark Work Ethic: So we should play video games instead of doing anything to warrant personal growth.
Me: Come on, really? Now you're not even trying.
Dark Ego: We never do.
Dark Self-Loathing: Tsk, tsk. That sort of thing is never helpful.
Dark OCD: I don't even care that this room is messy! It's how you want it and only moderately filled with filth.
Dark Internal Sadism: And most of that filth isn't even of the kind to cause brain tumors. We surely don't want those.
Dark Pervert: Besides, you don't need a clean room because you don't want to attract ladies to it and be tempted to do something untowards.
Dark Self-Control: Yeah like sticking it up the elevator shaft.
Dark Pervert: Why, that's disgusting!
Dark Hopeless Optimist: HELL EVIL HELL ANAL ANAL ANAL DEATH MURDER VIOLENCE!
Everyone but Me: Good for you, Optimism!
Me: Is nobody else freaked out by this? Anxiety?
Dark Anxiety: Nah, brother. I'm cool as the other side of the pillow.
Dark Paranoia: Give me some of that pillow. I'm feelin' cool too.
Dark Inner Child: So man...got any beer, man?
Me: You already asked about weed. We said no.
Dark Budding Alcoholism: And drinking is simply naughty.
Me: And nobody is going to jump on that? Pervert? Libido?
Dark Pervert/Dark Libido: Jump on what?
Me: Okay, this needs to stop. I'm all weirded out by this whole...debacle...thing.
Dark Anxiety: Don't worry, man. It'll pass. Not for a while though, I bet.
Me: Seriously? Ugh. Fuck.
Pervert: Someone call me?
No comments:
Post a Comment